Millennial & Gen Z-er concerns
Millennials & Gen Z-ers heard, learned, and internalized so many things we were supposed to do. And we were told if we did those things, we’d be successful. Like if you go to college and get a stable, good-paying job, everything would turn out fine—or, actually, better than fine. But many in our generations still can’t afford a house down payment, still are paying off student loans, and sometimes question whether they can afford to raise children. (Not to mention it’s not uncommon for us to struggle with the idea of bringing a child into this world. Or if we choose to have kids, we then struggle with how to talk with them about what’s happening around us and their future.)
We were encouraged to follow our passions, and we were told there’s nothing we can’t do, as though equality actually exists and sexism, racism, classism, and other -isms wouldn’t impact us. We were promised so much—and yet, despite doing what we were supposed to do to earn a good life, many of us struggle to keep up with what’s required of us in today’s world. Or, we’re keeping up—but we also feel resigned or empty or stuck. As a millennial myself, I keep hearing that our generations are the first that are worse-off than our parents’ generations. However you want to slice that blame (poor political policies, poor economic policies, capitalist greed, etc.), there are many ways the discrepancy between what we were told was supposed to happen and what is instead our realty has shaped our mental wellness.
How do I know if I’ve internalized these lessons in a way that’s not healthy for me?
Maybe you’re constantly wanting to change careers to achieve more or make more money or have more power or receive more accolades. Maybe you’re not able to maintain peer or romantic relationships because no one has every quality for which you’re looking. Maybe you’re not feeling purpose or connection, so you’re wondering if changing careers or moving on to the next partner will be fulfilling.
Maybe you’re comparing yourself to your colleagues or people with whom you went to college or grad school in a way that leads to jealousy or envy or resentment or in a way that makes you continually question yourself, whether you did something wrong, or any failure you’re experienced. Or maybe you’re comparing your life to some concept or idea of your life you developed years ago (and still maintain) that you don’t have and think you should.
Maybe you’re committing to things you don’t want to do (which takes up your time, money, and energy) because you feel obligated or don’t want to say “no” to others.
Maybe you’re devoting your time to behaviors and habits that make you want to appear a certain way but don’t leave you feeling satisfied or content. Maybe this is exercising and dieting and practicing skin-care/hair-care/make-up/other product routines to shape your physical appearance. Or maybe you’re cultivating experiences to take perfect photos to post on social media, so your followers think you’re trendy or on top of everything.
Maybe you’re exhausting yourself with endless to-do lists to try to appear better or more accomplished than you feel you are. (Perfectionism can lead to stress, anxiety, or depression. It’s also often considered a characteristic of white supremacy.)
How can therapy help?
Embedded in the lessons or unfulfilled/unactualized promises are a lot of internalized thoughts and ideas, which often lead to behaviors. Therapy helps you identify what these are and from where they came–which may be your family or your friends or even systems and institutions, like capitalism or religion. Therapy also helps you examine who you are, how you identify to others, your values, and who you want to be.
Sometimes, we want to hold on to our thoughts because they’re healthy and consistent with our goals; lots of times, though, we hold on to thoughts or behaviors that don’t serve us, and we’d be better off unlearning them and letting them go.
Therapy can help with this process of examining internalized thoughts and intentionally deciding what to keep and what to discard. By working together, we can address any of the self-doubts that make these “supposed-tos” occupy more space in our minds and lives than is healthy. We’ll cultivate self-compassion and self-acceptance, so you’re not beholden to the chatter in your mind that’s from the family in which you were raised, the social or professional circles in which you find yourself, and the broader culture in which you live.